hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
