Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
