I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
