The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
