when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
