he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
