Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
