i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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