We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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