I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
