i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
