Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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