Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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