She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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