drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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