She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
