Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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