when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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