i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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