i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
