do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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