I think my vagina is haunted
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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