peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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