If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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