i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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