we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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