I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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