I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
