please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
