You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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