FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
