margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
