I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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