sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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