She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
