Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
