I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
