If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
