Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize