what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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