pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
