People in love make me want to vomit
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
