When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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