mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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