I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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