she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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