Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize