ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
