He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
