That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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