And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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