The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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