i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
