I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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