Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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