Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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