I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
