Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
