So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
