Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
