It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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