Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
