I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize