we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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