Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
