If that was your dad, he is hot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
