I think I died a long time ago.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
50% drunk capacity currently
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
