2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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