I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
