i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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