Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
