Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
